If you’re a new gestational parent of an infant, there’s no doubt that you’re bombarded with advice right now. Pressure to breastfeed, lose the “baby weight,” and bounce back–no one seems to recognize that you just went through perhaps the most physically taxing event of your life to date. And that you’re running on fifty-five minutes of sleep. 

This list of coping strategies is meant to be the opposite of a to-do list. These reminders and suggestions should take very little actual work, and hopefully contribute to your wellbeing during these intense days. 

1. Feel free to NOT sleep when the baby sleeps.

2. When a friend wants to come hold the baby, ask them to come over mid-morning. Feed the baby, hand them over, then go take a nap. 

3. Self reminder: The baby will tell me what they need. It’s okay if I don’t understand at first (or for a while). 

4. Ask a friend to make you a playlist of peppy songs or soothing songs.

5. Looking at the baby for hours makes your neck hurt. Do some stretches. Look up.

6. Add food delivery gift cards to your baby registry or meal train instructions. Embrace doing less. Request food that can be eaten at room temperature and with one hand. 

7. Allow yourself to completely step away from work, if financially possible. If this is difficult because of bosses or coworkers, practice the firm reminder, “I am focused on healing / helping my partner heal right now.” 

8. Buy yourself new pajamas (that fit what your body feels like right now). 

9. Ask yourself: What went well in the last hour? What do I need in this moment? 

10. While you feed the baby, watch an episode of your favorite show. 

11. If you have a partner or other adult around at night and are formula-feeding or can pump ahead, split the baby monitor duty and sleep separately for a while. 

12. Alternately, split the night by having your partner or another adult get the baby ready for a feeding and take the baby right after you’ve fed them. Let them get the baby back down while you go back to sleep. 

13. Validation: Even if going to the doctor didn’t feel like a big deal before, it’s normal to be overwhelmed when taking baby out of the house to the pediatrician. 

14. Know the difference between the “baby blues” and postpartum depression, and where you can get help.

15. Read about how postpartum hormones are affecting how you feel right now, from why you’re so cold or hot to why you feel anxious.

16. Self reminder: I am the best parent for this baby. 

17. When baby is fussy or you feel tense, step outside. (Even in your pjs. Even at night.) 

18. If you are alone, put baby in the carseat and bring it into the bathroom with you so you can shower. 

19. Find your comfort hydration: hot chocolate? Blue Gatorade? Lemonade? Sparkling water? Water with lemon or cucumber? Engage your senses as you rehydrate yourself after birth or to help with breastfeeding or chestfeeding.

20. Give yourself grace. You are healing from a major physical event and learning a hundred new skills all at once. 

21. Self reminder: I will not feel like this forever. 

22. Embrace your evolution: matrescence is as transformative as adolescence, and lasts around three years.

23.  Find your favorite way to self-soothe.

24. Stay connected with other new people from your birthing class, people you know who were pregnant at the same time as you, or new parents you meet online through an app or support group. In the middle of the night, it’s normal to feel like you’re the only one in the world who is awake. Send a message to someone who is right there in it too.

25. If you’re breastfeeding or chestfeeding, remember your value. If you count the hours, this is literally a full-time job.

26. Have a snack. Taking care of a baby and healing both take a lot of energy, even if you feel like you’ve barely moved off the couch. 

27. Let the robots do the work. There’s a lot to remember when you have a new baby, including lengths of time between feedings and the time you should take more Tylenol. Set a series of alarms on your phone so you don’t spend precious (sleep-deprived) brainspace remembering the time. 

28. Self reminder: I am still me. 

29. Call in the consultants. You do not have to do this alone. Reach out for help from therapists, lactation consultants, sleep consultants, pelvic floor therapists, acupuncturists, night nurses, housecleaners, family, and friends. If making an appointment feels too taxing, ask your partner or a friend to set it up.

30. Remember that stress, anxiety, depression, obsessive thoughts, rage, intrusive / scary thoughts, overwhelm, and "baby blues" lasting longer than 2 week are considered symptoms of a perinatal mood disorder. This is curable. Reach out to a therapist and get the support you deserve. 

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