Coping Strategies: What's in Your Toolbox?

When it comes to caring for your mental health, the term “coping strategies” gets thrown around a lot. But I often find that, in the moment I really need them, it can be hard to remember the strategies that will actually make me feel better. 

If you’re a visual learner, it may help to create a representation of a “Coping Strategy Toolbox.” For me, this looks like…a list in my iPhone notes. To help you generate ideas, I’ll share five things in my toolbox, plus some prompts for how you might create your own representation of a toolbox to use in moments of stress or difficulty. 

THE ACTUAL TOOLBOX

It may not feel glamorous, but it sure is accessible. Here’s my coping strategy toolbox: 

When I just feel bad, whether that’s anxiety, worry about something, or tired, I remember this note, pinned in my phone, and grab one of the strategies from the list. 

LEAN ON THE GROUP TEXT

When I’m dealing with something difficult, my first impulse (not a good one) is usually to go inward. To not share anything. To deal with it myself. This is, frankly, a terrible idea. When I’m in the midst of a crisis, it helps me to have an actual visual reminder that I am cared for and loved in this world, and I am not alone. “Lean on the group text” reminds me that my best friends from college love me, and can handle any news or worry I share with them. We’ve seen each other through eighteen years of good times and bad, and they are always on my side. 

TAKE A DISTRESS WALK

The New York Times’s Patia Braithwaite coined the term “distress walk,” and when I read that, I felt the biggest sense of recognition. Braithwaite suggests walking until you’re “more exhausted than upset.” That’s one benefit. I also find that even a short walk (fresh air, exercise endorphins) can make my mind feel clearer, and whatever I’m dealing with feel  slightly less overwhelming. The distress walk has been especially important to me during times of extreme stress, like when caring for an ill family member. I even took these walks during the scariest periods of COVID lockdown, pacing the hallways of my apartment building. 

DRINK A GLASS OF WATER

This one’s a reminder to take care of my physical needs. Am I stressed, or just dehydrated? Is my body anxious, or just thirsty? During a chaotic day, it can be hard to pinpoint. Just drink the water. 

TAKE A NAP

I used to feel guilty or lazy for taking naps, but then I read about Tricia Hersey, founder of the Nap Ministry. Her idea that “rest is resistance” made me reconsider rest as a human right and as a way to push back against toxic productivity. By building a nap into my day, I can show up as my best self for me, and for others in my role as a parent, employee, partner, and friend. 

SING

Everyone has their thing that just makes them feel better. Maybe for you it’s running, painting, yoga, cycling, reading, or spending time with your pets. For me, it’s singing. It calms my body and makes me focus on my breath, two things that are grounding in times of stress. While the best coping strategy for me is going to choir practice, singing along to my daughter’s preferred kid music (right now we’re in a real throwback stage with the Elephant Show soundtrack) will do in a pinch. 

PROMPT: CREATE YOUR OWN TOOLBOX

First, brainstorm 5-10 coping strategies that work for you. These can be activities (singing, distress walks, yoga), micro self care tactics  (take a quick shower, light a candle, change into soft clothing), or even the names of people you can contact to feel better (your sister, your best friend, your sponsor, your neighbor, your therapist). 

Next, ask yourself what medium would be most helpful for you when you’re having a hard time: 

Sticky note - A simple list in an often-visited spot, like your bathroom mirror or fridge. 

Art - A doodle, collage, or painting depicting the things on your list. 

Acronym - Try to create an acronym from the first letters of your list. Mine might be something like “TWWNS,” for “text, walk, water, nap, sing.” You could write your acronym on a notecard and put it on your mirror, add it as an alarm in your phone to remind you to check in with yourself and use a coping strategy, or even put it on a piece of jewelry (I like these from Etsy: 1 | 2 | 3). 

Phone Note - Super simple, always with you. Instead of scrolling when you’re feeling anxious or stressed, go straight to your phone note and remind yourself what will really make you feel better. 

Digital Art - Use an easy design program like Canva to create a phone wallpaper that will remind you to care for yourself. Here are a few ideas: 

If any of these speak to you, you can download them (free) here: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

NEXT STEPS

After you spend some time creating your own coping strategies toolbox, take it to the next level.

Chat with your partner, roommate, best friend, or therapist about your toolbox, and ask them to help you be accountable. Ask them, when they notice that you seem stressed, to remind you of your coping strategies, or to help facilitate them (handing you a glass of water, offering to finish a chore so you can rest, initiating a walk together). 

If you’re a parent discussing this with your partner, ask them how the two of you might brainstorm ways to make more space in the day or week for the things that help you cope (could you trade off sleeping in on the weekends? Each have a night of the week for a class/rehearsal/dinner out with a friend?). 

We mean it when we say: take good care. 

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