Can I Really Talk to My Therapist About This?

If you’ve ever thought “can I talk about ___ in therapy?” the answer is yes. There are quite a few topics considered “taboo” in society: it’s impolite to talk about your salary, to discuss politics, or to bring up religion in polite company. But therapy isn’t polite company. It’s a place for you to explore all facets of your life, including the parts that might seem awkward or uncomfortable to talk about. Below, we discuss some topics that are hard to bring up in therapy, but are totally okay to talk about if they’re relevant to you. 

Let’s talk about sex, baby 

Sex is probably the most uncomfortable topic to bring up in therapy. It’s hard enough to talk openly about it with our partners, let alone with a therapist. But because there are physical, emotional, and mental connections to sexual behavior, it makes sense to talk about it in a judgment-free zone. I always ask about a client’s sex life in my intake sessions to demonstrate that they can explore it in therapy. Whether you’re sexually active or not, you can talk about your concerns about sexuality and sexual practices, masturbation, desire, and pornography. Some therapists specialize in sexuality and relationships, so if this is something you’re specifically looking for, you can find someone to support you in exploring these ideas. 

Religion and spirituality 

Do you practice a specific religion? Is your faith better described as spiritual? Are you exploring different religions to figure out what best fits your world view? Are you deconstructing from the religion that you were raised in, but no longer subscribe to? Are religion and spirituality things you don’t connect with? Let’s talk about all of that. No matter your religious or spiritual practices, faith might come up in therapy. Religion and spirituality are both deeply personal and culturally influential, so it’s natural to explore what it means to you. In therapy we might also talk about creating nurturing rituals, which may or may not have a spiritual component, depending on your needs. 

One state, two state, red state, blue state

Politics: everyone’s favorite topic. It seems like we can never escape its influence, especially in the DC area, where the day-to-day of the federal government is the day-to-day reality of many working people. We all know the feeling when we sense a conversation is swiftly turning into a heated argument. Healthy debate and discourse are so rare these days – it feels better to blame everything on the “other side.” Talking about politics in therapy isn’t about changing anyone’s mind, but rather a chance to explore how you’re impacted by what you believe and the beliefs of those around you. 

Race 

Let’s just get right down to it: most art therapists are white women, likely from a middle or upper-class background. This doesn’t describe all of our clients, nor do we want it to. At Alexandria Art Therapy, we value equity and diversity in our practice, and we recognize the systems of oppression that impact our clients. We’re not perfect, but we’re actively engaged in understanding race, power, and privilege in our clients’ lives and in the therapeutic relationship. There are many ways of having to navigate the world, and many of them are unjust. We don’t want to deny or ignore this; whether you have firsthand experience of a racist act or are working to undo your biases, therapy is a place to question ideas and learn new things. 

Bills, Bills, Bills

Whoever said that “money can’t buy happiness” probably never lived paycheck to paycheck. Money is one of the greatest stressors in life because, let’s face it, exposure and good vibes do not keep the lights on. Whether you’re worried about paying rent, negotiating a salary, contemplating a large purchase, paying off debt, or trying to understand your insurance deductible, discussing finances is not off-limits in therapy. If it’s important to you, you can bring up the topic of money in therapy. 

Abuse 

We encourage disclosing abuse – physical, sexual, verbal, and emotional – in therapy, but we understand that it’s really hard to do that. Talking about such vulnerable topics is a personal choice, and we want you to do it when it’s safe enough to do so. Establishing a good relationship with your therapist, developing trust, and implementing grounding skills will probably be the therapeutic goals you tackle first. Doing this allows for transparent disclosure and in-depth exploration of abuse. 

Disclaimer: therapists are considered mandated reporters for things like child abuse and neglect. A therapist will talk about confidentiality, and the legal/ethical limitations of this, during your first sessions. 

Death, grief, and loss 

It doesn’t matter if your experience of death and loss occurred several years ago or just last week, we know that grief looks different for every person. You might have certain family or cultural expectations and rituals around grief in addition to processing it in your own way. It’s even okay to mourn the loss of a beloved stranger. We want to help you through this in a way that works best for you. Loss is a broad topic – even if we haven’t experienced loss in the form of death this year, 2020 showed us a lot about loss. You might not feel like your loss is “big enough,” but there’s no such thing as a “big enough” loss. Loss is loss, grief is grief. 

Drugs and alcohol 

If you’re concerned about alcohol or substance use, therapy is the perfect place to begin exploring any questions you may have. You’re not going to get into trouble if you talk about your substance use in therapy, and your therapist isn’t going to report you to anyone. Your therapist wants to keep you safe and help you make the best choices for yourself. It might not be easy to share this with someone – there can be shame and stigma attached to addiction – but starting conversations about it can help you begin to figure out what to do with it. 

Son of a nutcracker! 

Can I swear in front of my therapist? Yes, you can. Therapists have heard it all before, trust me! There are actually some surprising benefits of swearing.  I don’t discourage clients from swearing in session, but over time I like to talk about emotional literacy, which is the ability to identify and express exactly what you’re feeling. This means that swearing in session might become less frequent as you learn emotional language, but it’s never fully off the table, because sometimes a well-placed swear word is the only thing that will do. 

When it comes to difficult conversations in therapy, it’s healthy to acknowledge the thoughts and emotions behind the topic. So often we feel the need to avoid what makes us uncomfortable, and we know that therapy is sometimes only discomfort. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about any of these topics, but know that your therapist will be open and receptive to anything you want to discuss.