Before and After: Rituals for the Time Around Your Session

There is no right or wrong way to do therapy. Every therapist has a different style, and every client brings different needs to the couch. (Or the art-making table. Or, since 2020, to the computer screen.) This is why it’s so important to find a therapist who is the right fit. But, as it turns out, there are some “rules” everyone might want to adopt for before and after your therapy session. 

Think of this as a guide to setting yourself up for the best experience in therapy. Creating a ritual for the time before and after therapy can help you ground yourself as you prepare to open up, as well as smoothly re-enter your day later as you process your session. 

BEGIN WITH THE BODY

“Don’t go into a session on an empty stomach,” says art therapist Laura Miles. We joke about being “hangry” if we don’t get enough to eat, but hunger’s impact on your emotional state is a real thing! Opening up in a therapy session can be a big ask--vulnerability is not easy. Make sure you’ve had a meal or snack before your session so that you are present for therapy, not your stomach. 

Prepare something to drink during your session. 

“Drinking something automatically grounds you,” says clinical director Adele Stuckey. “The taste receptors are located in the frontal cortex, which is the space for executive functioning in the brain.” 

Taking a sip of hot tea, coffee, or sparkling water sharpens your focus and brings you into the present moment. 

You should also consider how your clothing affects your ability to relax. 

“Wear something comfortable and soft,” Laura says. Take advantage of teletherapy: now you don’t have to spend your session wearing whatever you wore to work or school. 

PREPARE A SAFE SPACE

Therapists intentionally make their offices into a space that feels safe for clients. If you see your therapist virtually, you have the opportunity to personalize that safe space in the way that feels best for you. As you choose a space for your teletherapy session, consider where you hang out, where you work, and where you relax at home.

“Pick a space in your home that feels emotionally safe, private, and separate from stressors,” says Adele. “Try not to sit in the same space for therapy as the one where you work or have school.” 

Assemble all of your materials ahead of time. Make sure you have tissues, your laptop charger, and headphones, if you use them. Clear aside other items to minimize distractions, and set up your therapy space with your art materials to make art in your session. Even if you’re not engaged in art therapy, you may find it useful to have a pen and paper to write down notes or doodle while you talk. 

Think about your senses when creating your space. 

“Use soft lighting when possible,” says Laura. “You might also light a candle or use an essential oil.” 

COME TO A STOPPING POINT & DECOMPRESS

Draw a boundary around your therapy session. Attempt to wrap up all tasks and end stressful conversations fifteen minutes or so before therapy. 

“Don’t call your mom from the waiting room,” says Laura. Take the time before your session to decompress, not initiate any new interaction or type out one final email. 

If you are doing therapy from home, it’s even more important to set boundaries for privacy with your family. If you can’t schedule your session for a time when the other members of your household will be out, make it clear that you do not want to be disturbed. (This goes for distracting pets, too--lock your door if you have to!)

Try to create a buffer with technology, too. Laura advises clients to “put your phone away ten minutes before your session--or intentionally use a calming app, not social media, while you wait to start.”

Consider using your decompression time to make a piece of art ahead of your session. 

“This can help center you and download what you’d like to explore in your therapy session,” says Adele. 

As you’re waiting for your appointment time, you might also take a look through your art or notes from your last session. Notice how you’re feeling this week, and whether it differs from the things you made the previous week. Notice whether the things that were weighing on you last week feel heavier or lighter. 

AFTER THERAPY: TAKE A MOMENT

Immediately after your session, give yourself at least ten to fifteen minutes to ground yourself, reset, and prepare for the rest of the day. Avoid scheduling tasks that require high levels of focus for right after your session, as you may feel physically and intellectually drained as well as emotionally spent. 

When your session is done, take a few minutes to continue processing what you brought up in therapy. Make another small piece of art, like a mandala, or journal to capture what thoughts, emotions, or “ah-ha moments” occurred. 

CONSIDER BOUNDARIES THAT MEET YOUR NEEDS

What can you do after therapy that will meet your individual needs? Consider that you may want a boundary. Do you need quiet time? Would you rather talk to a trusted person?

“You do not need to share the content of your session with anyone, including family or loved ones,” Adele says. When your session is finished and you rejoin other members of your household, don’t feel like you now have to give a report of how your session went unless you want to. 

“You might do something just for you afterward,” suggests Laura. 

Before the pandemic, a friend told me that after her therapy sessions, she always went to the same sandwich place for lunch and then took a walk around the neighborhood where her therapist’s office was located. If you meet with your therapist virtually, what could a ritual like this look like? Maybe you walk around your own block. Maybe you take a nap or do a yoga video. It can be hard to devote any more hours in the day to “me time” when you’ve just spent fifty minutes on yourself in therapy, so even something small to mark the transition will help. A few minutes of stretching. A breath of fresh air just outside your door. A “reset” of your space, displaying the art you made on a cork board or taping it into a journal. Or maybe just take a moment to engage with that pet you had to lock out of the room!

FOR THE REST OF THE DAY

“Be gentle with yourself,” says Adele. “Remember that therapy often uncovers experiences that have been unconscious or under the surface. You may feel more emotional through the remainder of the day.”

Ultimately, the hope is that you feel better after a therapy session, but personal growth is hard--sometimes even painful. Remind yourself that you are in therapy to heal and grow, and that you are a person worthy of care and time.