Self Care While Breastfeeding
If you’re a mom, you’ve probably heard some well-meaning person ruminate that they don’t understand why every mother doesn’t breastfeed because it’s free. And formula is so expensive!
While this completely glosses over the fact that many women are unable or choose not to breastfeed, it also seems to indicate that a breastfeeding mother’s time doesn’t have monetary value.
Consider this: breastfeeding for one year is approximately 1,800 hours. A full time job with three weeks of vacation is 1,960 hours.
While mothers would love to calculate their hourly rate and bill the universe for the time spent breastfeeding, pumping, and washing bottles and pump parts, I think we’ll be waiting for that check for a while.
Instead, it may be helpful to use this math around breastfeeding to consider how you care for yourself.
Many mothers are already working one full-time job. Breastfeeding a child is a second full-time job. Are you caring for yourself as if you’re working two full-time jobs? Or are you devaluing your labor while running on empty?
It’s time to approach breastfeeding as the work that it is, which includes incorporating self-care strategies that can support such an enormous daily undertaking.
PRIORITIZE SLEEP
Easier said than done with an infant, I know. But again, think about breastfeeding as a job rather than a task. If you knew you had to work a sixteen-hour shift tomorrow, would you stay up late watching Netflix?
It’s hard. Mothers get so very little time to themselves, it can be tempting to give in to “revenge bedtime procrastination”--where you stay up late to get “me time” since your daytime hours don’t belong to you. But imagine you have to get up for work at 4AM tomorrow. Commit to an early bedtime so your body can have a chance to fully recharge for the mental and physical work you’re completing each day. (But no. I’m not going to tell you to “sleep while the baby sleeps.” It’s 2021. I know most of the time it’s “work while the baby sleeps.”)
SHOW YOURSELF COMPASSION AS YOU LEARN
As a parent who breastfed my baby, it was not what I expected. The messages of “it’s natural” were confusing. If it’s natural, why does this feel so hard? Am I doing it right? Is my baby actually eating, or “comfort nursing?” Is my body making enough milk? Should I be doing [insert all of the things] to make this “work better?”
Show yourself compassion, both for experiencing frustration and for enduring physical discomfort. Know that it can take time to learn each other. Learn how your baby latches, what method of holding your baby feels most comfortable (football hold, anyone?), and how many pillows you need to comfortably prop you both up.
If you’re experiencing pain or simply feeling unsure, don’t hesitate to reach out to a lactation consultant. Many pediatricians have lactation consultants on staff and can be a helpful resource for you while you learn how to nurse comfortably.
SET FIRM BOUNDARIES
If you were juggling two jobs for outside employers, you would never dream of committing to going to work at Job A when you were scheduled for Job B. It’s impossible. Likewise, be firm about your schedule and your needs when it comes to breastfeeding or pumping. If you are back at work, make sure you are taking the full time for pumping that you’re entitled to take. Block it out on your work calendar so that no one assumes you are free to schedule a meeting.
BOSSES DELEGATE
Another way to frame the hours spent breastfeeding is to consider your time as if you’re the CEO working an 80 hour week. Not necessarily two jobs, but one job where you’re the boss. You know what bosses do? Bosses delegate. Once you reach a certain level, you’re not doing the hands-on projects anymore. You’re making decisions. You’re tasking things out.
Have a conversation with your partner or other members of your household where you reconsider who is doing what chores. In the time you spend, say, nursing the baby in the evening before bedtime, what would you have been doing before? Cleaning up the kitchen after dinner? You’re a boss now. That has just become someone else’s task.
If you are exclusively breastfeeding, you might consider incorporating pumping so that other people can feed the baby while you work, sleep, exercise, or do something for yourself. Not all babies take to bottle feeding, but if your child is amenable, this can be a great way to combat feeling “touched out” and gain more control over your time.
If you have a partner or family member in the household, have them get up when the baby cries at night, change them, and bring them to you. This enables you to focus on the feeding while your partner shares the responsibilities.
Also ask yourself: what tasks can you delegate externally? No one bats an eye when a high-powered attorney picks up Starbucks for breakfast, gets deli sandwiches delivered for lunch, and sends the intern out for ramen for dinner. If you can afford it, outsourcing cooking (or cleaning or laundry or any other household chore) requires no justification. You are not a bad mom if your DoorDash driver knows you by name. This is a season of your life where your time is highly valuable, and you are prioritizing other things.
TURN BREASTFEEDING TIME INTO RESTORATIVE TIME
While breastfeeding and pumping seems entirely centered around the baby, you can also reclaim those sessions as restorative time to recharge yourself. Listen to music, a podcast, or an audiobook, or use an app like Headspace and try meditation while you nurse or pump.
If you have two hands free, you might dedicate this time to connecting with friends, especially other people who are at a similar phase of the postpartum period. Early motherhood, especially in a pandemic, can be an isolating time. Take a moment to text with others who understand the sleepless nights, stress of going back to work, and mysterious rashes. Having a support system is crucial to your wellbeing. If none of your friends are new moms, consider joining an online postpartum support or breastfeeding support group. New mothers should not have to feel so alone.
DON’T FORGET THE BASICS--BUT WITH GRACE
Most lists of tips for breastfeeding mothers include things like “eat nutritious food!” and “make sure you’re drinking enough water” and “get a shower every day.” These are all important, sure. But also give yourself grace. If you are chugging blue Gatorade and devouring a 4AM PopTart after that early morning feeding, you are doing fine.
A cursory Google search for tips I may have forgotten brought up a “self care for breastfeeding” article that mentioned weight loss in the second paragraph.
No.
Instead of adding that as one more thing you have to do after baby, I would encourage you to instead purchase some clothing that fits your body right now, and that is comfortable, soft, and has easy-access for nursing or pumping. Your current existence is not a stopover between maternity clothes and your old jeans. You are not an in-between person. You are a full human being who deserves to be fed, watered, and clothed well now.
ABOVE ALL ELSE
Above all else, caring for yourself while breastfeeding includes caring for your mental health. In the spirit of your new role as CEO of Everything, remember it is okay to call in the “consultants.”
Stress, anxiety, depression, obsessive thoughts, rage, intrusive / scary thoughts, overwhelm, and "baby blues" lasting longer than 2 week are considered symptoms of a perinatal mood disorder. This is curable. Reach out to a therapist (or better yet, delegate the inquiry email to your partner while you take a nap) and get the support you deserve.
